I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
