So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
