We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
