dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
