Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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