I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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