remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
