idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
