so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
