I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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