Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
