After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
