if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
