The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
