Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Randomize
