I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Randomize
