I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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