Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
