you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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