Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
