We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
