Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
