my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
