if you like me you must not know who I am
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
