It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
