He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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