Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
