You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
