Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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