Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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