I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
