Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
