it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
this hospital has no fireball
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
