I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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