mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
