Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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