I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
