Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
