so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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