ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
