I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
