I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
