nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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