Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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