today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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