Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
