maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
