Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
