Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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