More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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