walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
