I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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