I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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