Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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