I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
